Lead Me Lord!

My church just seem so dead today. Why!? Shouldn't everyone be rejoicing and praising God. The songs that we sang this morning were all so... ...Dead. The lesson is also so difficult to understand. How could a Sunday morning be like that? So far, the day hasn't been very smooth. Wish the rest of the day would better.

When praising God, I suddenly felt it hard to breathe. It was like as though someone was strangling me. I was shaking too. Slightly but uncontrollably. I don't know what happened at that moment. I tried to sing, but no a sound came out of my mouth. I was panicking. Afraid that people around me would stare at me when they find out. I paused for a while. My voice was back. But I was still shaking and it was still hard for me to breathe. I just started panting like I ended a run. As we sat down, I thought about everything. Anything and everything that came to my mind. I remembered reading Ms Grace's blog about a time when she felt that there was something inside her or troubling her. I could still recall what she wrote. About her vomiting and screaming and crying. I wondered if that would happen to me today. My thoughts went really wild. I was thinking that I'm being strangled by an evil spirit. And i was shaking because there was another evil spirit that was in me that wanted to come out. It felt a bit like I was possessed. I freaked out. But soon, I settled down, knowing that God is with me and that nothing can come to harm me.

The youth pastor started preaching. We studied on Mark 14:1-11. It was about Mary of Bethany and her anointing on Jesus with perfume before the crucifixion. It was a total devotion of the woman, Mary. Jesus said that what she did was a 'beautiful' thing, because she did what she could to. She anointed Jesus with the pure perfume which could be sold for a year's wages.

She is such a great woman. I want to be like her. But I really wonder how when I haven;t been close to God lately.

Today, I learnt that
1) Whatever we do, do your best for the glory of God.
2) As Christians, we should do the simple, mundane things in order to glorify God.
3)God's Will will always prevail.
4) God's grace will always be there for you.

We all have to live a life that is totally/ purely devoted to God. We devotion cannot be corrupted, meaning that it is not 100% from your heart.

Lead me, Lord, lead me, Lord,
By the light of truth, to seek and to find a narrow way,
Be my way; be my truth; be my life, my Lord,
And lead me, Lord, today.