Crap It!

Could't seem to find joy any longer. It's bee tough to be satisfied with my day. Prayers have been made, but nothing stops me from feeling my lowest moments. Life hasn't been life for me. Lost the whole meaning of love. Lost the whole purpose of life...

Comp have been dead. Now I'm using my aunt's comp. Results have been especially bad. I was supposed to get my report book back, but Ms Chua wants to see my parents and so I didn't tell them. I told them to go school yesterday for family day. I was wondering if I would find Ms Chua and ask her to go look for my parents. But when I found her, I thougt that my parents left already. So now, I can't ask my parents to see her anymore. If she wants to see them then wait till school reopen, cause I don't want to let them know.

Faking smiles have been a daily thing for me now. I just don't know how to bring myself to face the world with a sad face and make everyone worry about me and ask me to reval everything. And because I keep everything to myself and emo at home, the problems never get solved. In fact some gets worse and my mind just runs wild.

Holidayss... dready days. I bet I'm going to end up slacking the hols off despite haveing so much stuff coming up. Most stuff are Chruch stuff. And that means no taking part. My dad wouldn't be happy. I don't dare to tell him about church activities anymore. I don't want to lie either. There's only one choice now, which is to stay at home and slack my holidays off. Forget about enjoying life, since there isn't going to be kid's camp for me to help out, youth camp fo me to take part, hat party for me to go to, neither do I have meeting that I can attend to keep me updated. I look up to people who come from a Christian family. See the love, watch them care, hear them share and feel them there. How I long to have a Christian family, one that love and one that care, one that share and is always there when I need them. One that does not look at my bad side, but be happy to know the good. It's just a life of a..... you know.

I've got no life!!!