There's No Turning Back!

Little did I expect to find my days getting worse and worse. The days of Febuary was full of joy and satisfaction. But now, March just doesn't seem to go very well. So much of being unlucky being born in the year of March and all bad things, out of so many months, befall on this particular month. Even I can't predict what's the next feeling coming to me. Am I going to be angry? Sad? Lonely? Forsaken? Whatever... I can't seem to control it. It all just comes too sudden. It's barely half of March. I still have another half horrible month to pass. Not to say, the year 2009 might just get worse as each day passes.

Do not see who I am on the outside. Think of what I really am in the inside. Nothing of me is the same inside out. The appear-to-be-cheerful girl never was really cheerful at all. That shattered heart...

Just when I thought there was a way to hide, I realise there wasn't.

My dad never did once care to listen me out and he will never do that for as long as he's living. I knew well enough that everything should be done in whatever way that he demands. But I thought to myself, why should I obey him when he don't care. Shouldn't I show my defiant self to him? Why should I fear him? Just how much I hated him before, I am hating him the same. There's no change, simply because his attitude towards me didn't change. With that hell load of expectations from him, WITHOUT ANY CARE FROM HIM!, why should I care too? I don't give a damn to this kind of people, be it my parents, teachers, friends, whoever! All they know is N-A-G, N-A-G. Just N-A-G non-stop. Is listening so hard? Is solving it hard? If it is then why choose to adopt me! So that you have someone's heart to break? And if solving it was hard, then why do you not trust in God, take up that cross and follow Him. He will joyfully just provide when the need arises! Blame God for everything, that's all you know. If that was the case, I really don't know why God created you. A child so unfillial. No wonder you have a child that won't be bothered about your feelings. I know deep in me, I'm not this kind of person, but YOU! made me this way. You enjoy it so much. With tears flowing down my cheeks, you still didn't give up. You still persevered to destroy my image.

So indeed, the choice is going to be mine to leave for good when I'm older. You said it for yourself. Trust me! I will see joy in my own world and not interfere in your life anymore. Only then will you truely treasure my persence. And only then will you regret all that you've done. But I'm sorry, I'm not going back on my ways. I am here on this earth not to be a clown in the family. I am here to fulfill my mission that God set rooted for me. And my purpose of life is to bring joy and hope to people's life. God's will for me is stepping forth into the real world and see to the needs of others.

I'm going my own way... You can go your own. I'm not part of this family. I don't belong. I shall stand firm on my own two feet. The asian culture just totally don't suit me. I want to be carefree.

There's No Turning Back!