All because of yesterday night, I fear death. I had a dream about my cousin dying. He died on a holiday trip while he was watching some natural water fountain. He was pushed upwards by the very strong fountain and later dropped from a great height onto the ground and died instantaneously. It was a horrible dream. I woke up shivering uncontrollably. I was too afaid of everything around me that I called my mum over to sleep with me. I was thinking... the dream wouldn't come true, yes. But what if in real life, instead of him dying, I die first. I didn't dare go back to sleep, afraid of dying in my sleep. I was telling God to comfort me and not to take me back home with him that night. I'm not ready to meet him. I have much of live still not done. If I'm gone, I don't know what will happen. My mind was running real wild and I just didn't want to return to sleep. I thought I could stay up all night till the next morning, but when I saw the time on my handphone-3.00-I was like...oh NO!!! I can't stay awake for so long. I'm very tired. Too tired to stay up for so long. So I was praying and praying, hoping for the best. I closed my eyes. I tried to sleep. It was freezing, because I was cold sweating. It was scary. Whenever I want to fall asleep, That vision of my cousin's dead would linger in me, preventing me from falling asleep. I stayed up till very late, until I felt so sleepy, I didn't even realise that I fell asleep till I woke up the this morning.
Now, at home, I am again reminded about that dream. I had forgotten about it in the morning, but it seems like whenever I'm at home, it just get stuck to me and I'll be shivering again. As I walked into my room after reaching home from school, my heart raced. That fear of death is not yet forgotten. Tonight, I'm afraid I can't fall asleep again. I have school tomorrow. I still worry. I don't feel like doing anything. Not till I forget about that dream. The worst dream I've ever had.
This dream really makes me feel like crying. I was reminded about one song where the lyrics goes: A dream is a wish your heart makes, when you're fast asleep. I feel rather guilty now. It's not true that I want my cousin to die. If it was true, I wouldn't even have shivered in fear. Everytime I'm in my room, I feel like something's following me. As if it was the spirit of my cousin haunting me. It's spooky.
I know that Jesus has conquered death, but thinking about what's not completed in my life, I can't seem to let go. I can't RIP even if I'm dead. My mind's very messy now. Everything is coming to me. I can't take this fear. I don't dare to even close my eyes. How can I possibly even fall asleep?
Prayer's all I need now. Do pray for me, while I pray for myself at the same time. This month have got to pass faster. It's too slow. Slow when all bad things are happening. Fast when all good are here.
PRAY! PLEASE!
PS tell me if you prayed for me. I owe you something. Give you a treat one day. I'm serious.
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