The feeling that no one, other than God, can comprehend. The sadness within me is for sure something I won't accept. It's hard to tell because no one will understand. It will be far beyond anyone's understanding. Some may have felt it. But when you say it out to someone, that someone will definitely not feel the same way you do. There's just no way to express this feeling that's deep inside, what I would call a torture.

When I look around to see others as Christians and how much thick and thin they have gone through, I thought to myself...is this worth it? Are all those going to help me in the future. The answer was a straight yes. But when will I learn to hold it?

I have been the furthest I've ever been, away from God. Forgetting Him. Only when need arises, do I only turn to Him, seeking for help. I know that this should not have been the way. But what can I do when I'm so caught up with the worldly things. The material things that I should care less. What have He thought of me? I'm not at all worthy of Him. I don't know how to put my feelings into words. I need to find myself in the crowd. A million things revolve in my mind but only one will stay, and that's the worry.

Show yourself to me, Lord. Let me hear your still small voice.
Forgive me, Father