Memories...

Nothing, but past memories have been stuck in my head. Time and time again, I would think about my grandmother. Don't know why, but it seems to be making me miss her so so so much. I will never forget the period before she passed away. I could not even get to see her at all. Thanks to the SARS that was bugging Singapore. My grandmother was hospitalised during that period. Had badly wanted to visit her. The SARS prevented me to. I feel like blaming God, but I know that I can't. The hospitals did not allow many visitors to go visit. I was not allowed to go then. Just how sad I was. Now I still feel the same. I badly miss my grandma. Would not ever forget the times we've spent together. The bed holds the most memories. Still remember that she would tell me stories about the kampong days. She told till I fall asleep. It was like my bedtime story, just that it was in teochew. When she was still around, I still made an attempt to speek in teochew. Now that she's gone, I don't even bother to speak. Only lately when I became so interested in it then I occationally speak. Even when I do now, I often get it confused with hokkien. Both sound nearly the same. I miss the scoldings I used to get from my grandma. It may have been so long ago...May 2003, but the memories are still attached in my head. These few days, I smell a fragrance in my bedroom. Have been wondering if my grandmother is back for a visit. My mumtold me before that she smelt my grandmother's hairspray once. That time, I was in my aunts house. My mum said that that spray was already thrown away a long time ago. There was no way possible for them to smell it. These few days, I just keep wondering. Is it my grandmother? I don't know. Can God give me the answer? I want to talk to her. I miss her loads. Have yet to tell her that I love her. The time that she was cremated, I shed not a drop of tear. I may have shown how strong I can be on the outside, but inside, my heart was shattered into a million pieces. It still hurts now. The time spent was so short. If only time could be reversed. I regretted everything. EVERYTHING!!! Nothing can be done now. It's over, and will never come back again. I'll just have to learn from my mistake and start to love and treasure everyone around me now. I'm not going to let all things make me sad. I'm going to try to live eachday like how I would on the last day of my life. Today is here, tomorrow may not me. I don't know when God is going to take me or the people around me away. I want to live with no more regrets. Everyday's a gift, that's why it's called the present. I shall treasure each day and live it to the fullest.