Something's badly wrong with me. I can't find the answer to this. I have no idea what's causing this. I'm not the normal me anymore. It feels rather strange. I have changed so much in just a few days. Nothing seems normal to me. I'm annoyed by every little things. I can't control myself anymore. I'm starting to drift from my Father above again. I can't get things right. It hurts. It hurts the inside of me. My look doesn't tell, but look into my heart and you will realise that I'm troubled. So saddening...
Got the kind of attitude that people hates. Even I hate it too. I'm not myself. I'm so not myself!!! I hate it!!! Why! Why! Why! I'm totally frustrated!!!!! Sad! Pissed!! My soul left me. Something else is in me, but I don't know what. I'm...I'm just upset about this. It takes a small little irritating thing to make me boil. It's so hard to overcome...
Is this what a Christian life is meant to be? A really tough path? One that is so steep that is so difficult to climb. Will I slip and fall? Will I make it through? Will I carry on? Will I fail to reach the destination? I need the answer to all these, Lord. It always happens to me. I always get lost. It's like walking in a forest or dessert. I can't seem to find my way. It's so tough. I wait upon you, Lord, to provide me with all the strength I require to complete this task here on earth. I have never wanted to leave you. I want to always stay by your side, and you know it, Lord. Why do I always stumble and fall. Pick me up, Oh Lord, and lift me to your shoulders, where I can stabilise and never fall. If it is really what you want, to let me fall and stand up over and over again, then let your will be done. But Lord, you know that I've been struggling. The wounds on me prevents me from continuing. I know that it's part and parcel of life, but must it be so many times that I fail and strive harder? Lord, let me rest. I can't pass this test. I will fail even worse if this drags on. All I need now is to have a break, be it physically, spiritually or mentally. I need to stand firm before I learn to walk. Place me, Lord, on solid ground. Allow me to find my balance.
My world is going to rain. I'm going to pour like crazy soon. My feeling have really got to go. There's no more space. The spaces left are insufficient, even for myself. I've got to let go. I want to forget about everything. I want to see the bright daylight. I'm blinded now. Darkness is all I experience. Lord! My dear Lord, Jesus! Where are you to be found? Can you just comfort me now? I desire nothing besides you. I confess that I've done much wrong. Today, I want to come before you to seek your forgiveness. Look at your child. Her eyes is filled with tears. Her heart is broken. Only you can catch the tears and mend the broken heart.
The worst feeling I've ever felt. I dread it. I just want to start over anew. If only it is possible for me to forget everything bad that has happened to me recently. My soul shall be free from worries and distress. Please...anyone out there to comfort me? Anytime. Anywhere. Ask me out or something. I need to talk my feelings out. I'm bound. Help me to release those sad times. I'm not going to talk to the counsellors of the school please. Not when they do not really know me. That won't help at all. Please open up. Lend a helping hand to me. I want to return to my old self.
Come holy spirit, fall on me now.
I need your anointing, come in your pow'r
I love you holy spirit,
you're captivating my soul.
And everyday, I'll grow to love you more
I'm reaching for your heart
You hold my life in your hands
Drawing me closer to you
I feel your power renewed
Nothing compares to this place
Where I can see you face to face
I worship you, in spirit and in truth
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